By Dina L. McMillan PhD
Read Online or Download But He Says He Loves Me: How to Avoid Being Trapped in a Manipulative Relationship PDF
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Additional info for But He Says He Loves Me: How to Avoid Being Trapped in a Manipulative Relationship
Indd 46 8/2/07 8:07:42 AM 2 Focused Manipulation It would be easy to assume that abusers get all of their information from trial and error—they ﬁgure out what works and just keep doing it. This is usually true, but you may be surprised how many abusers also spend time and energy researching their ‘craft’. Many of the abusers I interviewed and counselled have read the full range of self-help books that tell them how to be more effective in getting their way. Starting with books like How to Win Friends and Inﬂuence People,3 they keep up on all of the latest works on leadership, inﬂuence, coercive persuasion and hypno-persuasion.
Also, her relationship with you will be her sole means for staying in the country. If she does not want to return to her native land she has to comply. indd 24 8/2/07 8:07:39 AM But He Says He Loves Me • Women are often held accountable to a much stricter set of rules, with harsher punishments for violating them, than are men. Women learn to expect a double standard, especially where morals (sex) and the amount of effort made toward the family are concerned. • Rules for courtship make it more difﬁcult for women to get to know their partners before committing to them.
He does this by ﬂattering you, humouring you, or asking about something that excites you. Or maybe he just pressures you. So you stay and the interaction continues. Especially at the beginning, he may let you keep talking until you run out of things to say. indd 43 8/2/07 8:07:41 AM The Abuser’s Handbook each interaction lasts as long as possible (sometimes called ‘marathoning’). Keep her focused on you and she will soon see you as the centre of her universe. Be responsive and listen more than you speak.